Quiet Does Not Mean Weak: Growth Can Be Internal Before It’s Visible

At around 7:00 AM, my Sally girl was howling and screaming in her crate, attempting to push me out of bed because she needed to potty. My feet hit the floor, I slid into my favorite sweatpants and my husband’s camo crocs, and I opened the door to inhale the brisk, painful air of the outside world. It’s January. Everything is cold and dead. I look out at the fields surrounding my little rental house, and I can see the depths of the woods. No matter how dead and empty Mother Nature looks right now, it still holds so much value, and it still finds so many ways to be beautiful.

I took my dogs inside after they went potty and got myself ready for the day. This morning consisted of forcing myself to exercise and throw my crockpot meal together so I would have something to eat later while I was at work. Not only has my mind been consumed with the thought of wanting to find my purpose in this world, but it has also been adamant in finding ways to be healthier. In high school, I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted and never gave it a second thought. Now I eat one slice of pizza, and I’m bloated for three days.

Where I’m from, there isn’t much opportunity to follow your dreams unless you move away to a bigger city. Graduating high school means moving out of your parents’ house, finding a mediocre job that gets you by just enough, and hopefully creating a family with somebody. At least for most people around here, that’s where the road ends for them, and they are content with that. That path is completely fine if that is what you genuinely want, but I cannot fathom the thought of my road ending like that. If my road is going to end like that, I at least want to be able to say that I took different routes before I got there.

I have worked at a gas station since 2023 just to make some extra money, and my husband’s family owns it, so why not? Everything was fine and dandy, until one day it wasn’t. I got too comfortable. Every day turned into one big, monotonous loop. The comfortability of my own life had me in a trance that I was, deep down, too scared to get out of. Too blinded by the comfort of this life I was living to even care. However, the feeling of misery and boredom ate away at my insides the whole time.

I remember the night I let the boredom and misery take over. I turned it into a heavy desire to put my fears aside. I was bound and determined to get what I wanted, no matter how long it was going to take. I’m 22, and I’m still bound and determined. I know that I’ll still be bound and determined when I’m 26 and 30. This blog is the first step I am taking to unleash myself. In all honesty, knowing that you’re reading this right now is scary to me. I feel nervous, embarrassed, vulnerable, and avoidant of the reactions some of you may have. The amazing part about this is that I am allowing myself to feel these feelings because I am choosing to push myself to the potential that I know I can reach. I may feel those ways for now because I am uncomfortable, but I also feel excited, hopeful, intrigued, and hungry to reach my goals. Those are the feelings I am clinging onto. The positive ones. The ones that remind me who I really am.

I remember having a conversation with my mom about how I was nervous to promote my blog on social media because people are not used to seeing me so vulnerable. I told her, “They will all think this is weird and out of nowhere. That this is so out of character for me.” I used this excuse every time I wanted to do something but didn’t. I told myself, “You’re supposed to be an introvert, Megan. This isn’t normal for you.” Every time I wanted to post something, there was this excuse. Every time I wanted to join in on a conversation, there was this excuse. Every time I wanted some recognition, there was this excuse. I have missed out on so many opportunities and so much untouched potential because I let fear take the wheel.

If you’re anything like me, or even nothing like me but you find yourself feeling the way I feel sometimes, please know this. You can be shy, you can be scared, you can be afraid to be vulnerable in front of other people, but you can’t let that be all you are. When I reached age 20, that is all I allowed myself to be. I let fear of judgment and failure control my every move. Now, at 22, I can tell you I am so much more. I still feel fear, but my faith in myself and in God is much stronger.

It took me two years to crack the seal of the box I was keeping myself in. I know I still have a lot of self-reflection to do but imagine how far out of that box I will be when I am 30. CRACK THE SEAL. Find your potential. Push yourself out of that never-ending black hole we call the comfort zone. You’ll never get out if you don’t try. Just because you’re quiet does not mean you are not courageous. Just because you’re quiet does not mean you are not valuable. Just because you’re quiet does not mean you are not worthy. Just because you’re quiet does not mean you have to stay quiet. It’s January, and mother nature is quiet right now. That does not mean she is not courageous, valuable, or worthy. That does not mean she won’t be loud when she wants to be.